Don't Connect In Jo-berg. Or use DHL in Africa.

My last real vacation outside of Dubai was in November to the States for Chad's wedding. So, I was more than eager to go to Port Elizabeth and Cape Town, South Africa for a week for Guillian and Deidre's wedding along with Ty, Neddie, and a few other people from Dubai. We left Dubai at 4AM on Oct 17, and had a 5 hour layover in Johannesburg. Now, before we took this trip, every South African we knew in Dubai gave us their testimony of being a crime victim in Jo-berg. I decided not to risk it and leave my laptop back at home.

We spend our layover safe in a restaurant, but feeling overly cautious, every 15 minutes I conduct the silent roll call for my phone, wallet, keys, etc. Finally, we hear the call to board, I do the math for the bill, and take one last walk to the bathroom. I check inventory once more... to find that my passport and boarding pass had been swiped during that last few minutes. What ensued was a ransacking of our table and our bags, interrogation of local patrons and wait staff, and a mad dash around the airport with adrenalined decisions of who stayed behind and who would go to the wedding. We'd stop to brief random airport staff of the situation, only to receive pity and no real direction. We were out of time, so I jumped lines at ticketing, got a replacement boarding pass, then jumped lines at security to make the flight. Since I was already domestic, I didn't need the passport from then on out.

While in PE, we were consumed and trapped by the wedding events. We couldn't drive and were told not to take taxis. US citizen services in SA told me that it was "no big deal", and I could get a new 1-year passport in an hour at the US consulate in Cape Town, then I would re-enter Dubai as a tourist. We were driving 8 hours to Cape Town as part of our trip, so I just got a plane ticket instead so I could make the best use of my time. After some checking around by my company, we iteratively found out that because I am a Resident of Dubai, Dubai Immigration would not let me in without attested police reports and passport copies and photos and passport cancellation documentation. You would think that they could see in the computer that I belonged and let me in as a crime victim instead of the criminal, but this is Dubai where we are still slowly learning about efficiency, compassion, and common sense.

After a ton of misinformation and misleading directions, it was clear that no one in SA really knew how to get an American expat back into Dubai, and the US embassy in the UAE couldn't have been any LESS sensitive or helpful. I got the temp passport and cancelled the old one in Cape Town, and they had me send everything to the UAE embassy in Pretoria. The UAE embassy wouldn't sign without attestation from South African Foreign Affairs. I managed to hire a day courier in Pretoria to run my documents around town, and we soon found out that Foreign Affairs wouldn't sign without notarizing the police report, and then approval by the High Court. My email quit working at one point. From Nelson Mandela's prison on Robben Island, I rescheduled my flight back to Dubai 5 more days from Ty's phone.

The staff at the bed and breakfast where I stayed remarked that I was "practically like the furniture", and so they shifted me from room to huge apartment to room to huge apartment until all my paperwork came in. That was a huge blessing.

After lots of prayer, drying up Neddie's and my cell phone batteries, roaming charges, several hundred dollars, and daily exhausted pay-as-you-go minutes, my courier was able to get all the documentation worked out for me. Then, there was DHL. I paid as much as I could to urgently receive the paperwork, but they could not arrange a pick up and delivery to save their lives. After three days of failed urgent deliveries, I was able to intercept all my paperwork at the airport just as I was flying out. That was the most gruelling- I would call every 15 minutes to reintroduce myself to 3 different DHL offices, talked to just about every employee, just trying to track the package- and each time getting a different location and very inaccurate ETA. On their credit, I consistently enjoyed the African tribal music while on hold.

Passport Control leaving Cape Town and arriving in Dubai were difficult, but everything worked out ok. Next week I will resume the process to get a full permanent passport and replacement visa. It was such a frustrating and exhausting experience, but one of the most challenging ones I've had to go through. I am proud of myself for just surviving and getting around these third worlders without playing a crime victim again.

On a different note, Cape Town can be a great place to be trapped. I will post pictures and the good highlights in my next entry.